I can recount every detail about the day I found out my parents were “not going to be together anymore.” I was sweaty-faced and my tangly hair was somewhat pulled back in a scrunchie. I had on my favorite Limited Too t-shirt with a cool astronaut chick on the front with some Old Navy blue jeans shorts. Mom and I were driving towards home (or so I thought) in her police car when she rambled something like:
“Your Dad and I just don’t get along. We aren’t going to be together anymore…but we love you so much…and our new apartment has a pool. Things will be better this way.”
A desperate attempt to sugarcoat the breaking up of our family.
I’m not one to throw tantrums, but I threw a complete tantrum. I kicked the dashboard, screamed, and cried…looking back my heart breaks for my Mom who had to see her baby girl in such confusion and distress.
For the next 11 years I was shuffled between my mom’s and dad’s houses, packing for a week at a time, and always having to answer, “Are you with your Mom or Dad tonight?” Sixteen years have passed and I still find myself blaming my Mom for my trust-issues and promising myself that I won’t be like them.
I say all of that to say this:
- I am not doomed for marriage failure.
Actually, I am proof that you can be hurt and still love. I have seen and felt hurt and disappointment. I have watched tempers flare and arguments unravel.
…And still I love. I love because I am healing and forgiving. I love because love conquers all, keeps no record of wrong, and perseveres.
- I am not from a broken home.
I am from a home, two actually, that loved each other no matter what. Homes that have step-kids and half-siblings. My home broke and has been rebuilt in a way that looks a little different but loves just the same. It is not broken.
- I am not my parent’s divorce.
In fact, I am whole. I am a Daughter of the King. I am loved, valued, and worthy of love. I am a child with divorced parent’s, not a child of divorce. My parent’s relationship may have made me a little cautious and slightly sensitive, but it also made me strong and faithful.
One day I will have a marriage of my own. One that I treasure and cherish. One that seeks Jesus and survives. One that lasts because I am not and will not be my parents’ divorce.
Special thanks to Mom and Dad for being co-parenting champs and making this life change as easy as it could be. I love you both so much!